


Cold Turkey

by akh



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9472592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akh/pseuds/akh
Summary: ...or how Serena got Bernie to stop smoking. Inspired by Bernie's e-cigarette in the episode 'Daylight'.





	

She can feel Serena’s eyes on her the moment she pulls the pack of cigarettes out of her coat pocket as they leave the hospital.

“It’s been a long day,” she murmurs a little apologetically, her free hand fumbling for her lighter in another pocket.

They’d lost a young man today. Cameron’s age. Road traffic accident.

She should be used to losing young men and women at the prime of their lives, but it never really gets any easier. Everybody is always somebody’s son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife, father or mother – and here, unlike in the field, she must actually face them all afterwards.

No, it does not get easier.

When Bernie’s eyes dart back to Serena, she finds her still looking at her, dark eyes full of understanding and...something else lurking behind that look. Bernie can almost see the wheels spinning inside.

She lowers the cigarette she has already pulled out of the pack and looks at Serena quizzically – waits for her to come out with it.

“It’s just…” Serena starts a little haltingly, then comes to a pause, takes a breath and presses on: “I don’t want to tell you how to live your life. It’s not my place, I know, and if you – if you really want to keep smoking that’s your decision, but…”

“But you’d rather I didn’t,” Bernie finishes the sentence, letting her shoulders sag in resignation. She already knows this conversation by heart. She’s had it with Marcus before, on more than one occasion. The smell, the taste, the bad influence on the children…she’s heard all the arguments, knows perfectly well that they are all true.

She’d eventually quit for Marcus. She doesn’t even need to ask herself whether she’d do the same for Serena. She’d do that and more if Serena asked.

And now, it seems, she is asking.

Bernie smirks a little as she pockets her cigarettes, turning the unlit one over between her fingers.

“Doesn’t taste very nice when we kiss, does it?” she asks sheepishly, looking at Serena from behind her fringe. That had been Marcus’s favourite argument, only it had never quite had the effect he had wished for. Never quite had the effect it has now.

A soft chuckle escapes Serena’s lips but then she quickly shakes her head, still half-smiling. “No…I mean, well, that’s not what I meant. I do appreciate the mints, but it’s just…” She pauses again and, turning quite serious, looks at Bernie in earnest.

“It’s just,” she starts over after filling her lungs. “You said you’ve had a long day, and I appreciate the cigarette helps you wind down, but I…I would like you to have a long _life_ , too.”

She doesn’t need to explain further. They’re both doctors, after all.

Bernie swallows. This is not part of the script she’d mastered with Marcus. 

She feels a sudden urge to look away, to look anywhere except at the earnest, tender expression that has taken over Serena’s face, but she forces herself to meet Serena’s eyes anyway – even hold her gaze.

Vaguely she remembers Marcus always telling her she was throwing her life away, too, but it was always more of an accusation than a plea.

“I – I’ll quit,” she blurts out then, without even thinking it further. She doesn’t need to. Not when it’s Serena looking at her the way she is, all mixed anxiety and hope.

That expression changes the moment the words leave Bernie’s mouth. Serena raises an eyebrow, her face now a mixture of surprise and doubt.

“Just like that?” she asks with some incredulity.

“Just like that,” Bernie assures her, fishing out her pack of cigarettes again – this time to throw it in the nearest bin.

Serena looks suitably impressed, but then her eyes fall to the one cigarette still in Bernie’s hand.

“You going to keep that?” she asks, a teasing tone creeping back into her voice. “What was it - a reminder of your old, independent self?”

Bernie lets out a bark of laughter as she hears her own words from nearly a year ago, suddenly thrown back at her.

She looks down at the cigarette, smiling fondly at the memory, and then shrugs.

“I don’t think I will,” she replies softly, her eyes lifting from the cigarette up to Serena’s face. “I don’t think I need to.”

This time, it doesn’t feel like giving up her independence. It doesn’t really feel like giving up anything at all when there’s so much more to gain.

She’s sure her thoughts will likely take a less poetic turn when the withdrawal kicks in, but it’s a bridge she can cross when she gets there.

Bernie is about to toss away the remaining cigarette when Serena suddenly stills her hand. To Bernie’s confused look, she answers with a raised eyebrow.

“Now, there’s no point wasting a perfectly good cigarette,” she says practically. “You should smoke it.”

Bernie looks at Serena, still puzzled. “But you…”

“What’s one more cigarette,” Serena shrugs. “You said you’ve had a long day and…” she pauses, a wicked smile flashing across her face as she leans in and lowers her voice. “I want you to be fighting fit for the activities I have in mind. No withdrawals tonight.”

Bernie can feel colour rising to her cheeks as she hums her approval, resisting the urge to close the remaining distance between them and claim Serena’s lips for a kiss in the middle of the parking lot.

“Aye aye, Captain,” she murmurs instead, tucking her hand in her pocket and finally locating her lighter.

Serena watches with rapt attention as Bernie lights the cigarette and then tilts her head towards the cars. 

“Skip Albie’s tonight?” she suggests a little breathlessly. “I have a bottle of Shiraz at home,” she then adds in response to Bernie’s raised eyebrows, bumping her body lightly against Bernie’s as they start making their way slowly towards their cars.

A comfortable silence settles between them for a moment, and as Bernie enjoys the last drags of her cigarette, Serena’s words from earlier float back into her mind – words that might only months ago have frightened her, but now fill her heart with a warmth she isn’t quite used to and doesn’t quite know how to handle. She decides to air them the only way she knows how.

“Now, when you said you wanted me to have a long life…” she starts in a playful tone, bolstered by the conversation they’ve just had. “Was that with you or…?” She lets the words trail off, the teasing tone in her voice belying the real question hidden somewhere beneath.

“Oh, do shut up, it wasn’t a marriage proposal,” Serena huffs, but when Bernie turns to look, she can see her cheeks flushed with colour, eyes sparkling with barely hidden delight.

“Just checking,” Bernie replies with a smug grin, her turn now to bump against Serena.

“I just like to keep my options available,” Serena replies innocently, her hand briefly brushing against the back of Bernie’s. “And speaking of…” she adds, her eyes darting to Bernie’s cigarette again. “We’re definitely getting you one of those ‘e-cigs’, or whatever they’re called, tomorrow, to ease the transition. I’m not having my co-lead on the ward incapacitated by shaking hands.”

“Oh, is that so?” Bernie asks, snorting out a laugh as she dumps her cigarette, stepping on it with the heel of her shoe for good measure. “I’ll have you know, Serena Campbell, that I’ve done this before. It’s the real deal or nothing.”

But she knows deep down that tomorrow she’ll follow Serena down to the store and accept every patch and electronic appliance Serena sees fit to bestow her with.

She likes the word ‘we’ too much to even argue.


End file.
